Wednesday, November 9, 2016

When You're Frightened Of Living In Your Own Country

I woke up after three hours of sleep in a full cold sweat, heart pounding, this has to be a nightmare, panic. The kind where you look around and breathe a sigh of relief that it was only a dream. Except it isn't  dream, we have a narcissistic borderline psychopath as President elect, and I see real danger, and yet many people are happy about it. I won't bore everyone going on and on and bemoan what a shit show this is and will turn out to be, but yeah we may be screwed kids.

I  have been wondering what to do with this blog, wondering what shape it would take, and I'm  still not sure, but I figure now is as good a time as any to dust her off and give blogging a go. Perhaps I can get a decent following and make a few pennies, but at the very least it will be a productive and creative way to let off steam, and get my feelings out of my head where they just sit there and fester.

I am going to make make a real go of this writing thing, it's  all I have and I am pretty good even if I am pretty shy about letting people read my stuff. I figure what the hell, there isn't anything to lose, right? Anyway, this post is more to purge the feelings and I think it worked, I feel a bit better. As I said before I have no idea what this blog will turn out to be, but I have the app on my phone, so I can blog anywhere and maybe I can be a kind of cultural blogger/ reporter. We shall see.

Like I said I am terrified. Now I know how people in other countries feel when they have a dictator or there's a revolution and people are in jeopardy. I just hope this guy doesn't ruin everything before he's kicked out.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

When you just can't decide...

I really should have named this blog Krazy Quilt or something similar. I have so many different and varied ideas for blog entries that I find it difficult to settle on a theme. I also find myself unable to pick one and therefore unable to write in my blog. I guess a wealth of ideas is better than having none, but really to me it's the same thing. It's like being so hungry that everything on the menu looks good and you just can't decide. I think I shall make a list and just go down and tick off the blogs as I go. That seems like the best idea. Ah writing, my joy and my curse....

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Awww Hell...

So we have been delayed yet again. I made the reservation for the van yesterday. We get to Bakersfield and discover that we need a credit card to secure the rental. Jason's credit card doesn't have much money on it so it is declined, and for whatever reason they won't accept a debit card...great. We try to get someone to use their card and she agreed initially but then backed out for reasons that aren't really that clear, and so now we're stuck until Sunday because the money won't go on Jason's card until Saturday. Joy!

Yep, a streak of good luck would be really really welcomed right about now... please?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Adventures In Moving; Going To Coloroado With Next To Nothing.

So when I move in a few days I will be leaving with a few clothes, important mementos, some books and my computer. Pretty much everything else will either be lost or staying here in storage. When I get to Denver I will have no furniture, nothing for a kitchen, nothing at all. I even had to sell my TV. It sucks. I am feeling a bit badly about it, but as long as we have a place to stay I guess I'll just have to get all new (or used) stuff. Anxiety abounds, and yet...I feel hopeful, and more than a bit excited. This has been an interesting journey and it still isn't over. I am hoping that everything goes smoothly and that we get to Denver with no problem. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed.

I really do try to stay positive, and I'm hoping that we get what we need... Positivity really works, right?

Saturday, February 20, 2010


I am no stranger to snow, but dammit I wish just this one season we could have a warmer than average winter. Seriously, it's not bad enough we have to leave on the fly with much of our stuff staying here with a friend but we have to deal with crap weather too? I hate that. I will be glad when we get to Denver and we're on the same level as stores, work, etc...

On a more positive note we are going to try to be out of here this coming week.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Journey: Homeless, or a Close Call.

So, it was exactly 9 months ago today that I took my friend and landlord, Hank to the hospital. It’s probably a good thing that I had no idea what was in store for me then; I probably would have had a nervous breakdown. We’ve struggled to keep the power on, and it’s still iffy, we’ll most likely be losing it really soon. We’ve had our water turned off, we’ve run out of propane, not that it matters because the furnace is broken, so we have to heat the house with the oven…well the broiler to be exact because the oven coil is burned out, we’ve had to eat ramen for days on end and now we’re down to the wire and will be having to leave soon. Hank is still in a coma, and now has been diagnosed with cancer. It does not look good. So on top of our financial problems, I am going to lose one of my best friends, and let’s face it, being poor can be cured; losing a loved one is permanent. Will we be homeless? I hope not, and in all honesty we probably won’t be. We’ll muddle through, and may very well lose stuff that means a lot to us, but living in the street or a shelter isn’t inevitable. It is a distinct possibility however and if that occurs well then I guess a new journey will be had. But I plan on blogging about it no matter what… There are a few possibilities, here. One will be that we get really lucky and find some money and move to Denver in the next few days. Another possibility is that we find somewhere to stay and save money to move and go in a few months. Of course there is the possibility that everything falls to complete shit and we’re out on our ass. I figure even if we’re in the streets or in a shelter I will be able to get to a library or café and get online to post.

I’ve already learned a bunch of new stuff since I’ve started with all of this and I’m not even homeless yet. The first thing and most important is that on a governmental/institutional level altruism is dead. There is no help for most people unless they have children. That’s pretty sad, and quite scary. On a positive note there are still individuals who are willing to help. Mark and Sharon, we appreciate what you’ve done, and we love you. We still have the money you so kindly donated and will be using it to help out our cause. Another thing, there are still a lot of people who mistreat the homeless. Lots of people think that if you are homeless it’s because you’re lazy and that it’s totally your fault. Here is a bit of scary truth for all of you. The fact is…are you ready for it? Anyone, and I mean any one of you, is only two months away from being homeless at any time. That’s not my opinion that is statistical fact. If you’re safe at home and have a good job, be thankful. Also, there are people who have jobs who are homeless. Crazy right? Because really, being homeless has more to do with being really unlucky than it does being lazy. At any rate, I have about had it with being told that there is no help and people expecting me to just get a job, and find a new place etc. If there were jobs to be had I would have one. I have an interview in CO. so it’s not like I’m not trying…ugh. The sad thing is we don’t need tens of thousands of dollars and aren’t asking for it…

Hopefully everything will work out. I’m not as optimistic as I was, but there is still a glimmer of hope. I figure this experience will be something to write about and learn from. Really isn’t that what life is, a series of lessons learned?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Still Homesick After Five Years? Really??

So, I've never made a secret of the fact that I love my hometown. I really do love it. It's seen better days, but I'm proud to be from there and only left to try to advance my career. It comes as no surprise that I miss it, but I had no idea how much until I became obsessed with a couple of video games.

I noticed that I have become particularly fond of Fallout 3, and TimeShift. They're fine games and lots of fun, but I was getting a bit ridiculous with them playing them constantly. All I knew was they made me feel good and comfortable. Jason has been teasing me for a while now because I keep playing these games over and over. He would complain that I have lots of other games, why not play those? This is something that I was asking myself as well. Then one day I was looking through pictures I have of different places, buildings and landmarks I have of Flint and after looking at the Mott Building and the Genessee Towers and it dawned on me....the architecture in those games is very similar to Flint! How was this not obvious before I have no idea but it's true. The industrialized art deco, mid century modernist look of both games can be seen in abundance in Flint. It's kind of odd, but there you have it. It would seem that I miss home even more than I realized. It's been five years since I've been to home and hopefully I can visit soon, but with all of the stuff going on in my life right now I don't know when that will be possible. I guess until then I will frequent Flint Expatriates, and play Fallout 3 and TimeShift.